Day 1

So a week or so ago my Mom convinced me I needed to lose weight not only to look better and feel better but for my daughter as well.  Now, I have always known that I needed to lose weight, it hasnt been a secret but i was sorta hoping I would just wake up skinny one day, you know, magically. I have tried diet and I have tried exercise but I have no will power to stick with either one.   I had been hearing commercials on the radio about the various 'voodoo diet Drs' in the area and thought I would give it a try. I had also heard about a new drug that was supposed to work wonders sooo I went to my first appointment today.......

I google mapped this clinic before I left this morning, and of course, its in the middle of crackhead alley. Its a bit of a shady place, they do a little bit of this and a little bit of that but I had read some good reviews.  I pull up and its nice enough on the outside but there are some seedy characters that have taken up residence on the sidewalk though.  I go in and there are 2 windows-one says job related injury, rehabilitation, chiropractic, The other says bariatrics.  Bariatrics, thats me, I knew right away where I needed to sign in!  I go to the window fill out the normal paperwork and take a seat.  I am there long enough to see 5 people go to the wrong window.  Does it mean I am really smart or just really fat because I know what bariatric means?  No one else seemed to know which window meant 'fat people sign in here' so at that point I felt pretty much superior and even a little skinnier than most in the waiting room.  For about 10 minutes i was feeling PRET-TY awesome considering I was sitting in a weight loss clinic.  I might be fat but I am smart.

My bubble was soon busted, they called me in and of course the first requirement is to get my 'start weight.'  F! Thank God it was a digital scale because I hate having to stand there while they put the little sliddy thing on 150, slide slide slide then 200 slide slide slide and so on(yes, I weigh over 200 pounds but thats all I'm telling). So, I think their scale is broken because I am pretty sure I dont weigh as much as it said I did.  I mean I know Im fat but I'm pretty sure I'm not THAT fat.....yet.

Anywho they get my weight and measurements, draw my blood and do an EKG, which incidentally took 3 times as long to hook me up than to actually do. So it seems they have so many people coming through the clinic they have to educate them about their weightloss options in herds. So they take me into this room with a big screen TV and 10 other women, 3 which are fat and the rest that are not but obviously think they are.  We watch almost a whole episode of Judge Judy before the nurse puts on a slide show about the programs they have to offer. On to the miracle drug I had heard about....HcG. From what I had been told you can eat what you want, sit on your ass, take this drug and weight would fall off.  WRONG! I started thinking this was a pratical joke.  They started talking about dieting, not just any diet but a 500 calorie a day diet! WTF had I gotten myself into. I started panicing, if I could stay on a 500 calorie a day diet why would I be here?!?!?  I like food, I like food alot, I dream about food, I watch shows about food, I cook food, damn good food I might add every single day.  How am I going to limit my food to 500 calories a day?  I am going to try...I paid a large, I mean LARGE sum of money today for 'my miracle drug' and I will be diligent for as long as I can.

The Dr assured me that with the medications they would be giving me along with vitamin and mineral supllements this was totally safe and I would be successful if I follow Drs orders.  I wont get into it right now but this drug is supposed to help burn fat instead of muscle and restart your hypothalamus yadda yadda. They also gave me a appetite suppressant which is one reason I wanted to start this blog.  It will make me talk a mile a minute and if I dont have anyone anyone willing to listen to me ramble i will explode.

So I left with a bag full of meds, a long list of foods I cant have and a short list of foods I can and instructions to eat as much fat as I can the next 2 days.  You read that right, I was INSTRUCTED to pig out for 2 days.  I think they tell people that so they dont freak out over the fact they will be totally restricted for months. It sounds kind of crazy but they claim eating a high fat diet for 2 days before you start the 500 calories is and I quote "critical for success." So here I am, following Drs orders.  I took my first dose of HcG a few hours ago then proceeded to eat a...... drum roll please.....supersonic jalapeno double bacon cheeseburger with extra mayo ( I'm outta breath just typing that), an order of chili cheese jalapeno tator tots and a route 44 strawberry Dr Pepper.  Now, I feel like shit but I must push on.  We have a gift card to Interurban so thats where we are eating tonight, I will be selling table side seats to see how much fatty food I can stuff into my body before tapping out.  :D 
Check back soon!